Procedures, Prayer and Peace - Pappy's Pen #07
I think things are finally getting to me. I am feeling very fatigued lately, and I am pretty sure it is not caused by anything physically I am doing or not doing. I think it is stress and emotionally based. All the waiting is adding up.
It has been about 3 months since I first learned cancer was a possibility, and 1 month since I received the positive biopsy results. Positive as in yes I have cancer. I am still looking forward to a procedure where the doctor places gold markers in my prostate. It will be 2 weeks after that before I get my “fitting”, where a body mold is made to hold me in the same position for my radiation treatments. 2 weeks after that I start my treatment, which will last for 2 weeks. That all adds up to another 8 weeks until this is over. And there is nothing I can do except wait and prep.
For the next procedure, I will be put under at a local surgery center and the doctor will place 3 gold markers in my prostate and also insert a dissolving gel to create a barrier between my prostate and rectum. The purpose is to help hold the prostate in place and to create a barrier so the radiation doesn’t create rectal burning. Imagine having second degree burns inside your rectum. Use lots of gel doc. Junk in the trunk. Please.
I have to self-administer another enema before this procedure. Yes, I will be trying to break my previous record. I will have lots of opportunity to go for a personal best. I will need an enema before each of the 7 next visits. My wife wants to know if we should buy the enemas online or if I will feel embarrassed to buy that many at the store. I also need to get milk of magnesia and Gas X for future visit preps. Imagine my shopping cart. In my mind the best thing I can do is let a big one rip as I am paying. Can’t wait to see the look on the checkers face.
On a more humorous note I have some friends who are praying for my wife and me. They are praying that God would bless us with a small surprise each day, to show His love and concern for us. The morning that I learned they were praying this I was reading the newspaper. There was a coupon insert in it with a coupon for $1 off Gas X, which I had learned the day before I would need. I texted my friend to let him know I received my first small surprise blessing in the form of a $1 coupon. Doesn’t God work in mysterious ways?
God’s word tells us that we who are weary and heavy-laden can come to Him and receive rest. I am weary. I am also feeling heavy-laden. I received some disturbing news about my parents health that I won’t go into here, but it appears I won’t be buying any more Mother’s Day or Father’s Day gifts. Or probably this will be the last year I do.
This is shaping up to be a really crappy year. And yet, because of the love and concern of family and friends, I feel a certain peace. I can’t explain it. I know things are completely out of my control. But I know things are in His control, and I am ok. I will be ok. My body is tired, my mind is going a million places, but my spirit is at peace.
Please keep praying, not just for me but for the wife, kids, and grandkids. I can control, the only thing I can control, is how I react to what’s going on around me. I can’t control how this is affecting them. I wish and pray that I could protect them, that this wasn’t affecting them, but that is not in my power. One of my young grandsons asked me the other day if I was feeling better. They know something is going on but they really don’t understand. I want to shield them from the bad things in this life but can’t. So please pray for them. Thanks.
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