My New Golden Prostate - Pappy's Pen #06
Now I think I know how the disciples felt whenever they got in a boat with Jesus. Sometimes they were blessed so much it almost swamped them (Peter casting his net where Jesus told him to). Sometimes feeling really frustrated (when they crossed the sea to set a demon possessed man free only to have the town beg them to leave). And sometimes scared and confused (when the storm came up, they almost drowned, and Jesus slept thru the whole thing). That’s how I feel now.
I went to the radiologist thinking I had 2 options, surgery or radiation treatment over 8 ½ weeks. Instead I found out I might qualify for a short term radiation process only taking 2 weeks. It’s called stereotactic radiation treatment and consists of 5 sessions of high intensity radiation over a 2 week period.
The treatment involves having a mold made of my body to make sure I stay in the same position each week for the one hour sessions. They will also plant three gold markers, or targets, into my prostate. I will have a golden prostate. They also insert a balloon into my butt to hold everything in place during the treatment. Don’t want no leakage. I asked my wife if she wanted to be the one blowing up the balloon each week but she declined! She did say she was familiar with the noise it will make when deflated though. The only sticking point is that it will take a week or more for the insurance company to ok me for this treatment.
So here I am, thinking I would leave the doctor’s office with a decision made and a schedule for treatment. Instead, I have more decisions to make and more uncertainty waiting to hear from the insurance company. I still can’t tell the people who are concerned what is going on. And it seems the whole time that Jesus is in my corner, but He’s currently sawing logs. (Is it sacrilegious to imagine that Jesus snores?) Yet somehow this gives me peace when I think about it. He is here with me, fully comfortable and aware of what is happening.
As long as He is with me, nothing is going to happen that He can’t handle. So I sail onward, me wondering what’s going to happen and Him in control. Everything might be confusion and turmoil around me but I am secure in the knowledge that the two things that mean the most to me are set. The love of my Savior and the love of my family. Everything else is just stuff.
And honestly, I am still struggling with who to tell and how to tell them. Sometimes I wish I had a t-shirt that says “I have cancer, just thought you should know. No big deal.” I want people to be aware of what is going on but I don’t want the attention. Sometimes people bother me. And I don’t want to seem like I want sympathy just for sympathy’s sake. I want their prayers, but I am reminded that prayers are just words and that action shows compassion. But I don’t want to be smothered with compassion either. I just want life to be normal.
But currently not normal is the new normal around here. So I go on, day to day, taking care of what I can take care of and trying to ignore the noise. Stay focused on what is important.
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