Valentine's Day can be a wonderful time to show your appreciation for your significant other.  For some, however, this holiday can be a reminder of the loneliness and frustration that comes with not having that special person in your life.  

If you are single or in an unhealthy relationship this Valentine's Day, I know what you are going through because I was a person who often spent this holiday alone, and even was broken up with twice on the day.  There are the 3 things I want to share that changed my love life.  I hope these words can be an encouragement to anyone who may be without a date or who may be in an unhealthy relationship this Valentine's Day.  

1) You Are Not Alone

For more than a decade as an adult, I searched out relationships to fill the void I felt in my heart.  As an adult, I went through long periods of single life and when I was in a relationship, it was usually unhealthy.  I often relied on that person to be things they couldn't possible be in my life.


I wanted my significant others to like me for me but also desired to see their lives change to fit my lifestyle.  I wanted what I was unwilling to do myself. No matter how I would use my relationship as a tool to make me happy, it never worked.  I felt alone even when I was in a relationship.

After I found Christ, I was told by other Christians that my relationship with Him would cure my loneliness. Yet, I found myself wanting a wife more after I got born again because I thought that is what God wanted for me.  The first page of the Bible even says, "It is not good for man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18)

The overgrown garden of loneliness continued to grow in my heart until the day before Valentine's day 2013.  A man named Joe McGee was the guest speaker at my church that night and he began his message by saying, “Tonight, I will be speaking about marriage & parenting.”  At first, I was not happy when I heard what the subject of the message would be.  It was the day before Valentine's Day and I was neither married or a parent.  I wanted to run out of the room.  Thankfully, I didn’t, and the lessons I learned that night changed my life.  One lesson was that God never intended for us to be alone.

I learned that the relationships in our lives should have an order of importance. First God, then spouse, then kids (Ephesians 5:21-28, 6:1-4).  I realized my loneliness didn't stem from not having a wife, but from not making Christ the most important relationship I had.  I left church that night seeking God's face more than ever.  I gave up searching for the woman I thought I wanted to come because I realized I needed to work on developing my relationship with God before I could be useful in another one.

For you, who may be feeling alone today. Please know that you are not. Jesus is with you, waiting for you to begin your relationship with Him.  As your relationship with Christ grows, so too will your relationships with everyone else in your life.  



2) Your Relationship Has a Purpose

Another lesson I learned that Valentine's week from Joe McGee was that there are roles a spouse is supposed to fulfill in a marriage.  A man is supposed to be a lover, leader and provider and a woman is supposed to be a helper, manager and a teacher. 


I realized I wasn't doing any of those things, so how on earth would I be a blessing to my wife unless I learned how.  I changed the way I prayed to start asking God to make me the man my future wife needed me to be.  I looked for practical ways out of God's word to improve my behavior. I became intentional about saving money, exercise, learning to speak in affirmation and losing my pessimistic attitude.

The greatest change in my life came when I realized God had created & designed me to have a vision for my life and started to find that for myself (Eph. 2:10).

God showed me His plan for me in March of 2013, and in May of that same year I met Megan, the woman that would become my wife.  She will be the first one to tell you that the things about me that drew her to me was my desire to make Christ first in my life and also that I knew the purpose of my life.  Without making those changes in my life first, I would not have the great relationship I am blessed with today.


Without purpose we are destined to drive our lives around in circles.  We will get out of relationships because we don't like that they are going nowhere.  The greatest thing I did in my life was press into God and find out what He created and designed me to do.  Knowing my purpose opened up my life to fill the void of loneliness and helped me use my relationship with my spouse to fulfill God's vision for my life.

The right relationship for you to be in has a clear purpose.  Even if that purpose changes or adapts.  God designed relationships to have purpose so don't settle for someone that isn't chasing a vision.  I encourage you to find a relationship that is going somewhere and press into God to discover what you were created and designed to do to make your upcoming relationship have purpose.


3) You Are Loved

Love as defined by Valentine's Day is a chance to share affection and romantic feelings with someone special.  However, true love that comes from God is different.  To God, love is not what you feel, it's what you do.  Love is an action.

Greeting cards and candy one day a year are nice sentiments, however, the love we are meant to exhibit for our significant other should go much further.  I love my wife, but marriage is hard work.  We don't always feel like loving one another.

Instead, we have to wake up every morning with the intention of loving one another the way God wants us too.  We pick up after one another, we carry each others burdens and we communicate our thoughts.  A good relationship should do these things.

Strive to give all that you have to your significant other regardless of how you feel about them.  The feelings we have for our significant others every day won't always romantic, but our love for them should be.  

Be a better giver in your relationship than you are a taker.  That is what Jesus did.  He died for you (1 Pet. 3:18), He prays for you everyday (Rom. 8:34), and He is building us homes for our eternal lives(John 14:2-3).  The love Jesus has for His people is a giving love.  God loved so much He gave His only Son (John 3:16).


I encourage you to realize you are valuable to God and to His Son Jesus.  A person will never love you like God loves you, but allowing yourself to be loved by God increases your ability to be loved by others in a way you may feel you are missing out on today.

Don't be discouraged by this holiday, four years ago I was alone, had no purpose and didn't realize the extent of God's love for me.  Realizing these three things changed my future.  I am now married with two children and fulfilling dreams for my life I never thought I would have.  Christ loves me so much He gave me all those things.

Finding Christ in your life or making your relationship with Him a priority can change your future to be something so special and awesome.  Don't settle for loneliness, you are special to God.  Let Christ be your Valentine.